


Count Your Blessings

by ellebeedarling



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Fluff, Kink Meme, Shepard as a single father, Toddlers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-19 13:58:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9444197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellebeedarling/pseuds/ellebeedarling
Summary: Written for a kink meme prompt:What if Shepard has a child or children from a previous relationship?And say the other parent isn't in the picture? Leaving him to raise a kid or kids alone.How would his Crew, Alliance command, the Council and certain reporters react to the situation?How would the child or children react to the Normandy's team of misfits?http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/9521.html?thread=45232689#t45232689**





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I meant for this to be a totally sweet, adorable, fluffy piece on Shepard having a little girl aboard the Normandy. It ended up being much more about his relationship with his late wife, and I don't feel like it exactly fills the prompt above. Still, I'll post it to the k-meme after the whole thing is posted here, because there are plenty of adorable anecdotes with baby Shepard and the crew of the Normandy. 
> 
> Expect a chapter a week. 
> 
> Warning: Keep your tissues handy! I have cried so much with this fic that I could barely proofread (in other words, expect typos... sorry!)

John Shepard still remembered the day he'd gotten the news that Cara was pregnant. He'd just made N5, only two more tests to pass to graduate as one of the Alliance's elite. His dad was going to be so proud. Probably his mom, too, though he never really knew quite where he stood with Hannah Shepard, closed off as she was. It was a rare day of classroom work. At that level, the training usually involved much more fresh air, sweat, bullets, and blood. But that day, he'd been in lectures on turian diplomacy until his eyes were glazed over and he really had to work to keep his head from hitting his desk.

 

Tired as he was from doing nothing all day, he almost didn't check his terminal for private messages before falling into bed, because tomorrow was definitely going to involve fresh air, sweat, bullets, and blood. He needed his beauty rest after all. But on the off chance that Cara had sent him something, he'd checked, and then nearly fainted. A quick mental calculation had him remembering the weekend of leave he'd gotten a month and a half ago, and he'd nearly fainted again.

 

To say it had been a shock would be to grossly understate the matter. Blown away. Amazed. Dumbfounded. Dazed. Freaking terrified. All those and more, rolled into one deliriously happy package. Because, while he and Cara weren't married, and this was a – for lack of a better word – _shock_ , he wanted it with all his heart. Wanted the baby, the wife, the life. And so, just three days after graduating N7 – two weeks before the real love of his life had been born – he'd married Cara Whitlock in a simple ceremony surrounded by crying friends and family.

 

The first time he'd laid eyes on Ava Lorraine – she was named after two of her grandmothers – he'd cried and promised her the moon, the world, the galaxy, vowing to her, to Cara, to himself to be the best husband and father that he could possibly be.

 

One year later, his life would be turned upside down.

 

He and Cara had to really work to make marriage and family life doable. Both career soldiers, one or the other or both of them were always on deployment. Sometimes they got to go together, but more often than not, they were separated. The day after Ava's first birthday, Cara left for a three month tour with her squad, and John and Ava never saw her again. She was killed by batarian pirates while trying to prevent a colony slave raid.

 

John sat numbly in his dress blues during her funeral, too broken for tears. His infant daughter was perched stoically on his knee, somehow sensing the gravity of the situation she and her father now found themselves in. Half his soul was gone. Never to be replaced.

 

He took a leave of absence for the next three months, focusing on his daughter, and figuring out just how in the hell he was going to live without Cara. He'd fallen in love with her the moment he'd laid eyes on her.

 

His mother had been stationed on the Jakarta – her third posting in a year. John was tired of being the new kid on the ship, so he'd sulked his way down to the shuttle bay, knowing from experience that there were always good places for a kid to get lost. He'd found Cara Whitlock – golden curls and green eyes and tiny freckles dotting her cheeks and nose – and he'd been gone. At just sixteen years old, his heart no longer belonged to him, and if it weren't for Ava – who'd kept the biggest piece for herself – he would have let himself be lost to the crushing despair and depression he felt when Cara died and probably try to find an end at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey. As it was, he couldn't afford the luxury of wallowing in the mire of grief and loss. Each day, he had to get up, had to put one foot in front of the other.

 

It started with little things. Ava had to have her diaper changed right now. She had to be fed. He had to stay alert to make sure she didn't get into anything dangerous. And, as each new day dawned, and he lived his life for Ava, he realized that his head wasn't quite as foggy today as it had been the day before.

 

When his three month leave was up, he'd made up his mind to retire from military service and take a civilian job – a normal job. One where he didn't get shot at for a living, because it wouldn't be fair for Ava to lose both of her parents at such a young age. He'd gone to talk to Captain Anderson who'd offered him a promotion to Lieutenant Commander and promised him a posting on the new ship that was in the early stages of planning. The Normandy was to be a collaborative effort between humans and turians, a marvel of technology.

 

The promotion meant a considerable increase in pay. The posting as ship's exec officer, even more so. If he took a civilian job at this point, he'd have to start at the bottom rung, not to mention paying for housing and health insurance. After discussing it with his parents, he'd agreed to Anderson's offer, and his only condition had been that he be allowed to bring Ava with him. His and Cara's mother had agreed to help him with Ava when the need arose, and somehow he'd have to make it work.

 

For the next two years, he did what was asked of him, bringing Ava with him when he could, leaving her with one of her grandmothers when he couldn't, and he continued to gain notoriety and fame as one of the best soldiers the Alliance had to offer. Unbeknownst to him, his name had even made the short list for Spectre candidates. If he had known, he might have gone ahead and retired right then. Instead, he worked his ass off to be both the best soldier and best father that he could.

 

Two years after Cara's death – and part of him still felt hollow with her gone – the Normandy was ready for its maiden voyage. So, he and Ava packed up their meager belongings – they liked living lean – and took a shuttle to Arcturus, ready to begin a new adventure.

 

**

 

John and Ava stepped into the restaurant. The three year old was tired, hungry, and cranky. It would have been better to have this meeting without her, but he hadn't been able to find a sitter. Before they'd gone three steps, Ava went rigid, refusing to take a step, and John had to practically drag her to the table where Anderson and a Lieutenant Alenko were waiting to meet with him.

 

“Ava,” he said sternly to his daughter, kneeling to be at eye level with her, “be good for daddy, please. I have to have a meeting right now. Are you hungry?”

 

“No!” the toddler shouted.

 

“How about mac and cheese? It's your favorite.”

 

Ava considered, and John wondered briefly how it was that he could command troops of grown men, but couldn't manage to corral his feisty daughter ninety percent of the time. “Okay,” the girl relented at last, and Shepard tried not to sigh as he picked her up and carried her the rest of the way to the table, just to be safe.

 

They found their table – the captain and the lieutenant already waiting for them – and of course the restaurant didn't have mac and cheese. Ava wailed. Shepard apologized profusely, and to his surprise, Captain Anderson just chuckled and engaged the girl in delightful conversation until she cheered up. The old man even got her to try the chicken nuggets that were offered on the menu, and John was amazed because he could never get Ava to eat meat. The trio went over the crew manifest and the schedule for the following morning, while Ava happily dunked her nuggets into her ketchup and sucked it off.

 

With the exception of her brilliant blue eyes – which she'd inherited from her father – Ava was the spitting image of her mother. Golden curls, tiny freckles, and a button nose that made her child model worthy – not that Shepard would ever let her participate in such foolishness.

 

“She's beautiful,” Lieutenant Alenko told him after their business was conducted and they were able to just relax and enjoy the last good meal any of them would have for who knew how long.

 

“Thank you,” Shepard said, beaming. “I think so, but I'm biased.” He smoothed a hand over her wild tangle of curls. “She looks like her mother.” And the lieutenant didn't miss the wistful smile on the Commander's face.

 

Ava looked up into her father's eyes, ketchup all over her face, and he couldn't help but chuckle. “I'm sleepy, daddy.”

 

“Me too, peanut. What do you say we hit the rack?”

 

The girl nodded, and Shepard reached for the bill, but Anderson batted his hand away, insisting that he pick up the check. Reluctantly, Alenko and Shepard both agreed, and John dug in the diaper bag for some wipes to clean Ava's face.

 

“You staying in the officer's barracks, Shepard?” Anderson asked.

 

“Embassy Heights,” he said. “Wanted one last night in a comfortable bed.” All three men chuckled.

 

“I'm staying there, too,” Alenko informed him. “Mind if I walk back with you?”

 

“Not at all.”

 

They bid the Captain goodnight, and strolled lazily through the streets. Arcturus was built for function, not aesthetics, so there were no sights to be seen other than buildings and ships flying into dock and the starry expanse beyond it all. Still, Ava always loved watching the ships come in, and though it was late, Shepard decided to indulge her one last time before they shipped out. The three of them stopped at an observation deck, and Shepard lifted his daughter up on to the railing, her little legs dangling over the side.

 

He pointed to a ship on approach, “Look, Ava, that's a frigate. Grandma Hannah is on a ship like that, and tomorrow, you and I are going on one, too. Won't that be fun?”

 

“She's coming with us,” Alenko asked, stunned.

 

“Sure is,” Shepard didn't seem fazed by the lieutenant's astonishment.

 

“Oh, I figured she'd stay with her mom or something,” he remarked offhandedly, having noticed the Commander's wedding band earlier in the evening.

 

Shepard's smile faded, and Kaidan instantly regretted that comment. “Her mother was killed in action two years ago,” John said quietly.

 

“Oh, god, I'm... so sorry! That was-”

 

“It's alright, lieutenant. You couldn't have known.” Shepard placed a gentle kiss on his daughter's head. “Just me and Ava now. It was a condition of me accepting this post that I be allowed to bring her. The Alliance even assigned a caretaker to the ship for me, but she was busy with her own plans tonight. Thanks for being patient during dinner.”

 

“No problem, Commander,” Kaidan said. “Even I get cranky when I'm tired and hungry.”

 

Shepard chuckled again, and lifted Ava into his arms where she promptly laid her head on his shoulder and fell asleep. Shepard and Alenko chatted a bit about their service records and families as they made their way to the hotel. Funnily enough, they were staying on the same floor, so Alenko helped Shepard with the door to his room – since the Commander's hands were full – and bid the man good night.

 

**

 

Anderson ordered Shepard to the bridge to see that the launch went smoothly. He'd left Ava in the care of Private Lowe, her assigned caretaker, so was surprised to find her sitting at one of the navigational stations in the cockpit with no Lowe in sight.

 

“Ava,” he started, but the pilot cut him off.

 

“Lowe needed a bathroom break,” Joker informed him. “I told her I'd keep an eye on Ava for her.”

 

Shepard frowned. “This is no place for a three year old during launch.”

 

“Lowe said she wanted to see the bridge. I didn't see the harm.”

 

The private in question returned before Shepard could say anything else. “I'm so sorry, Commander!”

 

“It's fine,” Shepard waved her away. “No harm done. Just... I would prefer it if she was only up here during down time.”

 

“I understand, sir. I'm sorry, sir.”

 

The turian Spectre – who'd been an unexpected addition to the crew – waltzed up to stand behind the pilot and critique him during the launch. Shepard picked up his daughter, figuring there was no use sending her back now, and held her as they made the jump through the mass relay. He pointed out the relay as the ship approached, and the girl squealed in excitement. She loved space travel as much as her father did.

 

Nihlus made a remark, meant as a compliment, once they'd cleared the relay, but taken by Joker as an insult, and Shepard had to stifle his laughter. When Anderson called for him, Shepard kissed his daughter, informing her that daddy had to get to work, and passing her off to the private.

 

Ava refused to leave the cockpit, and Lowe wasn't sure how the Commander would react to her physically removing the child, so they stayed, watching as the mass effect fields enveloped the ship in blue light. The girl was entranced, and it was the quietest she'd been all morning, so the private was even less inclined to remove her from the bridge.

 

“She's kind of a handful, huh?” Lieutenant Alenko asked her with a grin.

 

“A little. It's not so much that she's disobedient, just... willful.”

 

“Are you surprised,” Joker asked. “I mean, look at who her old man is. Word is that the Commander's wife had been recommended for N-school, too, but then he knocked her up and she never got the chance to go. Heard she died during a batarian raid on one of the colonies in the Verge.”

 

“Do you think this is appropriate conversation right this minute, Joker,” Alenko hissed. “Come on. Show a little tact!”

 

Joker glanced guiltily at Ava Shepard, and thought that he'd dodged a bullet until the girl spoke up. “My mommy was a hero,” she said. “Her name was Cara Whitlock Shepard, and she was the most beautiful girl my daddy ever saw. And she loved me and my daddy. She didn't want to leave us, but she had to because God needed her more than we did. But I still have daddy, and he still has me.”

 

Her little legs were swinging, dangling from her chair as she watched the stars and blue shift through the glass and recited the obviously often repeated words of her father. “My name is Ava Lorraine Shepard,” she continued, “and I'm free years old. At my birfday, daddy took me to a farm to ride a horse, but he says I can't have one because we live in space, but I really want one.”

 

Kaidan watched as Lowe discretely wiped at a tear, and if he were honest, he was feeling a little choked up at the moment, himself.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Ava was everyone's little sweetheart, and by the time they reached the Citadel, everyone knew who was really in command of the SSV Normandy. The child had every single one of them wrapped around her little finger. Ashley Williams had been torn between sitting by the Commander's beside, wracked with guilt, or helping Private Lowe keep an eye on the Commander's daughter, wracked with guilt, while he was unconscious from the beacon on Eden Prime. The beacon she'd inadvertently activated. The beacon which Shepard had saved her from and gotten sucked into and injured by when the damn thing exploded. She'd opted for the latter for the most part, but managed to be at the Commander's side when he finally woke up.

 

She was woman enough to admit that she'd swooned when he smiled at her and told her not to worry about what had happened – that it wasn't her fault. The first thing he'd asked about was Ava, so the doctor left to collect the toddler while the Captain quickly briefed the Commander on their current situation. Ashley was standing in the mess when the little girl came bouncing up to the med-bay, shouting, “Daddy,” to the top of her lungs as Shepard exited the med-bay.

 

The Commander's blue eyes lit up when he saw the child, and his voice was just as enthusiastic when he called out, “Peanut,” as the girl threw herself into his arms.

 

“You were sleeping a long time, daddy,” Ava chided.

 

“I was really, _really_ sleepy,” he said, tickling her tummy till she squealed. “What did you do while I was sleeping?”

 

“I made you a picture. Ashley helped.” Ava held up a piece of paper with a picture of the two of them holding hands. “She drew the hearts,” his daughter informed him, “'cause I can't do those yet.”

 

“Well, you did a terrific job,” he praised her. “Let's go tell her thank you, hm?”

 

Ava squirmed till he put her down and the pair made their way over to Ashley. “Thanks for helping keep an eye on her,” he said.

 

“It was my pleasure, sir,” Ashley told him. “She's a sweet girl.”

 

“She's something else,” he said with a laugh. “She's sweet when she wants something, usually.”

 

“Well, helping out was the least I could do, sir.”

 

“Don't worry about it Williams. All's well that ends well, right?” Shepard gave her a kind smile when she nodded. “How are you holding up?”

 

“Honestly? I kind of wish you'd gotten there sooner, sir.”

 

“It's tough losing your squad,” he admitted, trying not to think about Akuze, but everything seemed to come back to that. Cara had been there to help him put the pieces of his mind back together afterward. Another pang hit him like a fist to the gut, and he shook his head to rid himself of the thoughts. “Well, we're docking with the Citadel soon. I'd better get up to the bridge. Thanks again.”

 

Ashley watched the Commander go, Ava propped on his hip, before turning back to the mess in search of the coffee pot. Lieutenant Alenko passed her the cup he'd just poured for himself, and grabbed a second mug. “So what do you think of our illustrious XO?” He asked.

 

“He's not what I expected,” she admitted. “How did I not know he had a wife and kid?”

 

“His wife was KIA a couple years ago,” Alenko whispered as if it were a huge secret. “He's raising the girl on his own. I heard he wanted to retire afterward, but the Captain convinced him to stay. Shepard told me himself that bringing the girl was a condition of his accepting the post. Lowe is here just to help him with her so he can get his work done. He must be a hell of a soldier for the Alliance to grant those kinds of concessions.”

 

Ashley blew across the surface of her coffee before slurping a sip. “I overheard Pressly saying that the Commander was being considered for the Spectres.”

 

“I think that's just speculation at this point,” Kaidan told her. “Not sure how he could do it, being a single dad and all.”

 

“Sounds like the Alliance is willing to bend over backward to help him.”

 

“That's a good thing, though. We need soldiers like him. And to be honest, having Ava around is... refreshing. Helps me at least. Reminds me of the reasons we all swore the oath, you know?”

 

“Ever think about having kids of your own, Alenko?”

 

“Maybe some day,” he told her. “But look at how much Shepard has suffered and struggled. Ava, too. It... I'd just rather wait until I'm ready to retire. Which isn't any time soon, I assure you.” He took a sip of his own coffee. “What about you, Williams?”

 

“Haven't given it much thought, honestly. I mean, I guess when I was a kid, I imagined myself married with kids of my own some day. But since joining up, there hasn't been time to think about it. Damn sure hasn't been time to do anything about it.”

 

“Yeah,” Kaidan huffed a small laugh, “I hear that. Well... want to head up to the bridge to see the Citadel?”

 

“Sounds good.”

 

**

 

Garrus didn't know what to think of the turn of events the last twenty four hours had taken. His belongings had been settled into a locker in the cargo hold of the Normandy, and he was eyeing the Mako tank somewhat longingly, contemplating the fact that he was now unemployed and stationed on a human ship with the first human Spectre, chasing down a rogue Spectre of his own race. It boggled the mind. So instead of worrying about all the things that could possibly go wrong in the above named scenario, he turned his attention to the tiny human who was running rampant through the cargo bay at the moment.

 

The daughter of the first human Spectre was loud. And boisterous. She bounced around on her toes as a bored private halfheartedly kept an eye on the child, only speaking when the girl strayed too close to something off limits – the weapons bench or the requisition station, for example. The krogan across from him snarled slightly as the child ran past him, but instead of frightening her away, she stopped and peered up at the towering alien and smiled.

 

“My name is Ava Lorraine Shepard,” she said, “and I'm free years old.”

 

She'd said the exact same thing to Garrus when she'd espied him and marched up to the turian with her hands on her hips. Sassy little thing. And Garrus had heard her tell just about anyone who would stop and listen as well.

 

The krogan growled at the girl, and to Garrus' amazement, she giggled. “You sound like a bear,” she said, bouncing on her toes some more. “Do it again!”

 

Wrex actually let out a rumbling chuckle then, and the girl seemed even more delighted. “What's your name,” she asked the krogan.

 

“Urdnot Wrex,” he replied. “But you can call me Wrex.”

 

“You can call me Ava,” the girl said, tucking her hand into the krogan's and holding up a stuffed toy. “This is my teddy bear. His name is Fernando. Do you want to hold him?”

 

“No.”

 

“He's a nice bear,” she said, swinging hers and the krogan's arms as she chattered on. “He helps chase away the monsters at night when my daddy can't be there.”

 

Wrex glared down at the child, but didn't remove his hand from hers. Ava continued.

 

“My daddy is a soldier. He's in charge of this ship now. He's the bestest and most bravest soldier there is. My grandma Hannah told me that. And she would never lie to me. Daddy said so. When daddy doesn't want to be a soldier anymore, he's going to buy us a house and I'm going to get a horse. Do you like to ride horses, Wrext?”

 

The krogan simply grunted.

 

“I like to ride horses,” she prattled away obliviously. “They're so pretty. I rode a horse for my birthday. It was gray with white hair. His name was Starshine. He is the best horse in the world.”

 

The elevator door slid open, and suddenly Private Felawa was very interested in his young charge, as Commander Shepard strolled into the room. Shepard ignored the private, eyes lighting up when they landed on his tiny offspring. “Daddy,” the girl shrieked and abandoned the krogan in favor of charging headlong into her father's legs.

 

“Easy, killer,” he chuckled, lifting her off the ground and tossing her into the air. “Have you been good?”

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

“Good.” The Commander turned to Private Felawa and thanked him for taking a turn keeping an eye on the girl, then set Ava down and started chasing her around the cargo bay, growling like some wild animal, while the girl squealed and laughed and shrieked. Garrus hoped this wasn't a regular game the pair of them played. Shepard let the girl tackle him to the ground, feigning grievous injury as the two of them wrestled in the floor. Ava tickled her father and he tickled her right back until they were laughing uncontrollably, sprawled on the floor, and gasping for breath.

 

Humans were odd creatures. Ava started rambling to her father the way she'd done with every single person in the cargo bay for most of the afternoon. Shepard lay on his back, hands tucked behind his head, listening to every word the child spoke while he stared at the ceiling. Turians would never carry on like this outside of their private domicile, but he'd always known that humans needed censure. They had no sense of propriety – no shame in making their personal lives known. Though, to be fair to Shepard, the Normandy _was_ his and Ava's home. For the time being at least. It wasn't the Commander's fault that they shared their home with close to thirty people.

 

“Commander? Are you alright?” The quarian – Tali – came out of engineering to see the pair of them on the floor.

 

“We were wrestling,” Ava shouted. “I beat him up!”

 

“She beat me up,” Shepard agreed with a nod, but accepted the quarian's hand in getting off the ground.

 

“Why do you have to wear that mask all the time,” Ava asked.

 

“Ava, don't ask rude questions,” the Commander scolded. “We've talked about this. Sometimes you have to wait until people want to talk to you.”

 

“It's alright, Commander,” Tali said gently. “I don't mind. I could get sick if I take it off,” she told Ava.

 

“Why?”

 

Shepard chuckled at his inquisitive daughter. “Because quarians get sick easily, honey. Now, shush. Leave Tali alone, and let's go eat some dinner. Sorry about that,” he muttered to Tali.

 

“It really is alright, Commander.” The quarian repeated. “I'm headed up to find some dinner for myself, too. Mind if I join you?”

 

“Not at all.” Shepard smiled at her, and Ava bounced and clapped her hands.

 

**

 

The handsome human Commander took up most of Liara's thoughts these days, and she wasn't sure how to take that. Most of the women on the ship had a dreamy look in their eyes whenever the Commander walked past, particularly if his adorable daughter was in his company. And anytime he hugged, or kissed, or smiled at Ava, the women all swooned. It was both comedic and concerning for reasons that Liara had yet to deduce. Though the fact that she'd been on the ship for two weeks now and had yet to stop thinking about the man gave her some clue that she wasn't truly ready to acknowledge.

 

Her life's work had been dedicated to studying the Protheans, and Shepard had experienced the closest thing that anyone possibly could to coming in direct contact with the now extinct species. What she really wanted from the man was to sit him down and pick his brain for every scrap of detail that he could recall regarding the beacon and the visions he'd seen. What she ended up doing was fawning over him and making a fool of herself by hitting on him. With a slight look of mortification, he'd told her he just wanted to be friends, that he had enough on his plate with his occupation and being a single dad, and any hopes of getting that chance to interrogate him vanished like vapor in the wind.

 

She did, however, make careful observation of the man who had overnight become the galaxy's only hope at salvation. He was stern, yet kind, always willing to listen to his crew whenever they needed an ear. He was utterly devoted to his only daughter, and some whispered that his devotion still extended to include his dead wife. He still wore his wedding band after all. It was sad, really, that such a man should be destined to live such a lonely life. Then again, his daughter seemed to be a source of joy and light in his life, and perhaps there had simply not been enough time passed since his wife's death for him to feel ready to move on.

 

On one hand, this disappointed Liara. On the other, she understood it, and hoped that he would get to a point some day where he was ready to love again. Perhaps it would even be with her. Though she suspected that both Tali and Chief Williams were entertaining the same thoughts. Liara tried to tamp down the jealousy she felt when either woman was speaking to him, since it was painfully apparent to anyone with eyes to see that he wasn't interested in any of them. His focus remained where it belonged – family and duty.

 

The asari watched him now, in the mess, cooking pancakes with his young daughter. This seemed a weekly ritual for the two of them. She smiled fondly, understanding why the other women found the whole thing so utterly irresistable. Here was a good looking man, capable leader, fierce warrior, and completely devoted father. Literally, he was the perfect man, and Liara could easily admit that.

 

“Did mommy like pancakes,” Ava asked her father, and Shepard got that look on his face that he always did whenever his late wife was mentioned – a wistful, bittersweet smile, coupled with a hollow sadness in his normally vibrant, blue eyes.

 

“She did,” he told his daughter with almost forced cheer. “She made them for me every Saturday morning, just like I do for you.” He tapped his index finger against the end of her nose. Ava was sitting on the counter, stirring the pancake batter idly.

 

“Did she make faces on the pancakes?”

 

Shepard chuckled. “No, she didn't. But she probably would have for you. My mommy made faces on my pancakes when I was a little boy, though.”

 

Ava gasped. “You were a little boy?”

 

“I was. Grandma Hannah is my mommy,” he informed her with a laugh.

 

“Can you make faces, daddy?”

 

“Like this?” Shepard made a funny face, sticking his tongue out and screwing up his lips and eyebrows.

 

Ava giggled. “No, silly! With the chocolate chips!”

 

“Oh, like this.” He stated, looking toward the ceiling and placing chocolate chips on his upturned face.

 

“Noooo,” Ava squealed with delight. “On the pancakes!”

 

Shepard caught the chocolate chips and tossed them in the trash, then got some fresh ones and started decorating one of the pancakes, while Ava clapped her tiny hands. “Is this good? Should he have a banana slice nose?”

 

“Yes!”

 

The Commander cut a chunk of banana and poked it into the girl's mouth then placed a slice of the fruit in the center of the face. Ava fed him chocolate chips while he worked.

 

“Why did God need mommy more than we did?” Ava asked, stuffing a few pieces of chocolate into her own mouth.

 

“I don't know, baby,” Shepard said sadly. “I ask myself that almost every day. I still feel like we needed her more.” His lower lip quivered briefly, but he cleared his throat and kept working.

 

“Show me the picture,” Ava insisted.

 

He pulled up his omni-tool and flipped through his files until he found the one she wanted – the one she always asked to see – of him and Cara on their wedding day, he in his dress blues, and she in a simple white dress that flowed beautifully around her swollen, pregnant belly and pooled around her feet on the floor.

 

“She looks like a fairy princess,” Ava said with awe.

 

“She does,” John murmured quietly, swiping at his eyes.

 

“You thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world, didn't you, daddy?”

 

“I still do, peanut,” he brushed his hand over her head, then planted a kiss on her forehead. “I still do.”

 

“Do you think she misses us, too?”

 

“I know she does. She loved you more than anything, and being your mommy was her favorite thing in the world. In this picture, you were still in her tummy.” He swiped at the display a few times, “and this is the day you were born. Look how she's smiling at you.”

 

“Can I show this to Uncle Wrext?”

 

“Uncle Wrex?”

 

“He said I could call him that,” Ava said, poking a few more chocolate chips in her mouth. “He's my friend.”

 

Shepard smiled fondly at his daughter. “Yes, you can show this to Uncle _Wrext_.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :) 
> 
> Find me on tumblr: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard reminisces about his late wife, and Wrex bonds with Shepard's tiny offspring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tissue warnings in effect for this chapter. I cried my eyes out over the first half!
> 
> The T rating also comes from this chapter for the teeny bit of language.

Kaidan's migraine was little more than a dull ache, so he left the med-bay and headed to the mess for some chamomile tea to help him sleep the rest of the night away. To his surprise, the Commander was sitting at the table with a bottle of whiskey and a coffee cup in front of him, staring at a picture in a frame. The hollow look in his red-rimmed eyes highlighted the tiredness of his features and the five o'clock shadow he sported, and generally gave him the appearance of being much older than his twenty nine years.

 

He was so lost in thought he didn't even notice Kaidan until the lieutenant called his name. “Alenko,” Shepard said. “Something on your mind?” He sat up and laid the photograph face down on the table, pushing the cup and bottle away.

 

“Just wanted to check on you, sir. Are you alright?” Kaidan asked, taking up a seat across from the Commander.

 

“I'll be fine,” he said. “Today would have been Cara's twenty ninth birthday. I just... still can't believe she's gone sometimes.”

 

“I'm sorry, sir. I can't... I can't even imagine.”

 

“She was always laughing,” he said, eyes distant as he remembered. “Always finding something funny. It was a joke amongst all our friends that Cara would laugh at anything, and she would. But she was the happiest person I've ever known. Nothing ever got her down. Nothing dampened her spirits. She... could have gotten by without me. She was always the stronger one. I,” he choked back a sob, “Hell, sometimes I still feel like I can't do this alone. Can't face the day without her.”

 

Shepard pulled the bottle back to himself and splashed some of the alcohol into the cup, downing it in one gulp.

 

“Can I see the picture,” Kaidan asked cautiously. The Commander lifted it up and gazed at it a moment before passing it to his lieutenant. A beautiful, blonde woman with bright green eyes and the prettiest smile Kaidan had ever seen, stared back at him from the frame. The Commander's lips were curved into a smile even as they pressed against the woman's cheek. They looked blissfully happy and madly in love.

 

“That was on her last birthday, before... Ava was only six months old, and we'd left her with her grandmother to go out with some friends.”

 

“What happened to her? If you don't mind me asking.”

 

“Batarian slavers were raiding the colony on Proteus. Her squad was sent in to put a stop to it. One of them overloaded her shields and... She never stood a chance. Like Jenkins. There one minute and gone the next.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a gold medal. “They awarded her this... posthumously. Called her a hero.” He huffed a bitter laugh, “She'd been my hero every damn day since I was sixteen.”

 

“How did you meet her?”

 

Shepard described the first time he'd laid eyes on her, and how the two of them had been inseparable from day one. Both of them had just known from the very beginning that this was the person they were meant to be with. Their parents had tried to encourage them to date other people since they were so young when they met, but neither of them would hear of it. Despite their chosen military careers, they'd stayed together through thick and thin, not breaking up and getting back together like many of their friends would do. Cara was it for him. His one and only, and he couldn't imagine ever loving anyone else. Certainly not the way he'd loved her. That type of love wasn't something one could just 'get over.'

 

“They sent me to the Villa after Akuze,” Shepard said. “Well, after Cara helped me pull myself back together, that is, and after I'd been gone a month, she got a commendation and an invitation to come, too. But they wanted to wait until I was done. Given our history, the brass already knew about our relationship. After N3 I got a weekend of leave, and that's when she got pregnant with Ava. Ended any talk of her going to N-school, but she wasn't even disappointed. She was just so damn happy to be having a baby. She was going to retire. She just needed one more year to get her full pension. Just one more _fucking_ year,” he spat. He dug his fingers into his eyes, trying and failing to stem the flow of tears. “Even Cara's parents have told me I need to try to move on, but... I just can't,” his voice broke, and tears spilled from his eyes, trailing down his cheeks. “I can't. _Fuck!_ ”

 

Kaidan knew that words were useless at a time like this. Even if he had experienced the same type of heartache, he wouldn't be able to say anything that would comfort the Commander at this point. Sometimes a man just needed to grieve. Kaidan did reach across the table and cover the Commander's hand with his own, giving it a reassuring pat. Shepard squeezed it briefly before retracting it and wiping his eyes and nose on his shirt sleeve. “I should probably hit the hay,” he said, passing the bottle of whiskey to the lieutenant, and Kaidan knew it was a silent plea to dispose of it before he did something he would regret. “Thanks,” Shepard said, then took his photograph and Cara's medal and went to bed.

 

**

 

The first human Spectre was crawling around on his hands and knees with his tiny offspring on his back and making noises like some Earth animal. Wrex watched with a mixture of disdain and curiosity as the girl slapped her father on the back and yelled, “giddyup horsey,” at the top of her lungs. It seemed like everyday the Commander and his child came down to the cargo bay to play at silly games like this, and the krogan couldn't figure out what the child was supposed to learn from these antics. All that he could see was that it tired them both out before they went upstairs for dinner, after which, Shepard always bathed the child and put her to bed. At least every other night, the little cretin insisted that her father bring her to tell Uncle _Wrext_ goodnight before she would agree to be put to bed. She was always dressed in something fluffy usually with hearts or flowers or something called bunnies printed all over it, and she smelled too sweet – like candy and sugar.

 

Each time the Commander brought her down, he would stand and watch with his arms crossed over his chest and a stupid smile on his face while his daughter practically climbed the krogan's body to plant a minty smelling kiss against his cheek. “Goodnight, Uncle Wrext,” she would say to him, pressing her tiny, cold lips to his face and wrapping her little arms around his neck as far as they would go. And each night, Wrex would grunt in semi-approval and pat the girl on the head once she was back on the floor. It had become a ritual that the krogan actually missed on the nights when Shepard's games wore the girl out to the point that she actually just went to bed without further coaxing.

 

Of course he would rather re-fight the krogan rebellions than tell anyone that.

 

The girl's handler, Wrex could never remember the woman's name, not that he cared, would bring the child to the cargo bay several times a day to let her run around and blow off steam. Having watched the Commander's interactions with the child, Wrex began to have some ideas of his own about how to entertain the little Shepard. So, one day when the Commander made his daily trek to the cargo hold to play with his daughter, he stopped dead in his tracks at the sight before him. Urdnot Wrex was running around the room with Ava Shepard clinging to the back of his hump and squealing for joy as the krogan made wild war whoops, charging imaginary enemies. Instead of stopping upon spying the Commander, Wrex simply waved his hand in a mock salute and kept the game going. Shepard smiled fondly at the pair and took the opportunity to talk to the other squad members at their stations.

 

“That's quite the sight, eh, Commander?” Williams said as he approached her.

 

Shepard chuckled. “She's like her mother. Everyone always falls for her. Not looking forward to her being old enough to date.” He sighed a little.

 

Ashley laughed with him. “You still miss her a lot, don't you?”

 

“Every single day,” he admitted. “Having Ava helps. She needs me.”

 

“The galaxy needs you too, sir.”

 

He gave her a small smile, then shrugged. “Maybe, but that's not what motivates me.”

 

When Wrex was finally tired of the little monkey on his back, he set her down and she careened toward her father, shouting with glee. Shepard picked her up and blew raspberry kisses against her neck while tickling her belly until she was shrieking with delight. “Did you have fun with Uncle _Wrext_?” His smile was wide and bright.

 

“Yes, sir. Ashley said she was going to teach me to draw hearts, but she hasn't yet,” Ava pouted.

 

“Ashley has work to do, sweetie. She'll do it when she has the time.”

 

“How about right now,” Ashley asked, stowing Kaidan's rifle, that she'd just finished cleaning, in his locker and wiping her hands on a rag. “I've got my duties all squared away for the day.”

 

“Alright,” Shepard said, “but dinner is in thirty minutes, and after that is bath and bed.”

 

“Yes, sir,” Ashley said saluting.

 

“Yes, sir,” Ava echoed, offering her father her own tiny salute. Shepard shook his head with a grin and ruffled the girl's hair before heading back up to the crew deck.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy.
> 
> Visit me on tumblr for lots of mass effect fun: ellebeedarling.tumblr.com
> 
> Much love,  
> Elle


	4. Chapter 4

Tali made her way to the mess hall, unable to sleep. The sight that greeted her had her smiling fondly. The Commander was slumped over the counter with a cup of coffee clutched in both hands, sound asleep. His face was a peaceful, carefree mask for once instead of the tight, worried expression he typically wore. The situation he'd found himself in couldn't be an easy one – a single dad bearing the sole responsibility for the care of his daughter now burdened with the weight of the entire galaxy as well.

 

The crew had seen the signs of his exhaustion, though he'd tried desperately to hide it. It wasn't uncommon to find him asleep in odd locations around the ship, and he would invariably fall asleep in the mako while awaiting extraction by the Normandy. By the time he'd spent time with Ava and gotten her ready for her day, gone over his reports and briefs for the day, completed the day's mission and reported back to the Council, he was nearly ready to collapse. Instead of collapsing, he would then trek to the shuttle bay to spend an hour or so playing with Ava until it was time for dinner and he could bathe her and put her to bed. His day's started before anyone else awoke and ended well after everyone else had turned in for the night. Through it all, however, he'd been kind and compassionate toward the crew, gentle and loving with his daughter.

 

Cautiously, Tali tapped him on the shoulder. Shepard woke with a start, nearly knocking his coffee cup to the floor. “Shit,” he murmured, rubbing the sleep away and peering blearily at the quarian.

 

“Sorry, Commander,” she said quietly. “Don't you think you'd be more comfortable in your quarters?”

 

He gave her a sheepish grin, then confessed, “Probably.” With a yawn and a stretch, he looked at the quarian again. “What's up, Tali? Can't sleep?”

 

The quarian hesitated, knowing that if she told Shepard the problem, he wouldn't go to bed and get his needed sleep. She also knew, though, that he wouldn't let her get away with saying nothing was wrong. “No,” she admitted at length. “I guess I'm just feeling homesick again.”

 

Shepard nodded in understanding. “I can relate.”

 

“You can?”

 

“Sure. Ava and I have an apartment in Vancouver – on Earth. That's our home when we're not out on assignment. It was where I lived with Cara. There's evidence of her everywhere in that place, and I miss it when I'm not there.”

 

“I've never had a place of my own,” Tali said, watching Shepard pull down some little tins from a cabinet. He filled a kettle with water and set it on the stove, then pulled down two mugs, taking a tea bag from each of the tins and setting them into the cups to wait while the water boiled. “When a quarian bonds to another, then the couple are given family quarters to begin their new life together, but until then, we live with our parents.”

 

“Makes sense,” Shepard said. “I never had a place of my own until I was married, either. Cara and I were both always on deployment. We rarely saw each other except on leave. After we were married, we got a little more time together. We were both given some time off when Ava was born. That was probably the happiest time of my life.” He smiled wistfully.

 

“I'm sorry she's gone, Shepard.”

 

“So am I,” he sighed, pouring the boiling water over the teabags and passing a mug to Tali. He indicated that they should sit, so she made her way to the table. “What about you? No prospects.” He smiled kindly at her.

 

If he could have seen her face, he would have seen her blushing. “N-no, sir. I'm still too young to be bonded.”

 

“Probably a good idea to get your pilgrimage out of the way and everything, too.”

 

“Yes. Just like with everything else in quarian culture, there is a process to be followed when choosing bondmates. Having children is an even bigger process. I envy the seeming simplicity of human bonding and childbirth.”

 

Shepard took a sip of his tea then chuckled. “Well, conception and delivery may be a simple process,” he said, “but, parenting is complicated. It's made easier when there are two parents, but even then...”

 

“When my mother passed, my father withdrew from me. We rarely speak except to conduct necessary business. I admire your commitment to Ava even though your wife is gone.”

 

“I can certainly understand where he's coming from,” the Commander said softly, staring into the depths of his cup. “It took every ounce of strength I had to get out of bed the day after she died. Now Ava is all I have left, and she deserves a dad who puts her above his own broken heart.”

 

“Still, you're putting forth the effort to have a relationship with your daughter.” Her voice held an edge of anger.

 

“Don't be too hard on him, Tali,” Shepard said sadly. “It's tough to know how you'll react in that situation until it happens to you. I'm sure he's doing the best he can, trying to cope with his loss.”

 

“I know,” Tali sighed. “I try to tell myself that, but... I lost her, too.”

 

Shepard reached across the table and patted one of her hands. “I know, Tali. I'm sorry. It's never easy to lose someone we love.”

 

“Ava adores you, you know.”

 

He smiled. “The feeling is mutual. She keeps me on my toes, that's for damn sure.”

 

“You should go get some sleep, Commander. It's going to be another long day tomorrow.”

 

“Yes, ma'am,” he grinned. “You going to be okay?”

 

“Yes sir. I think I'll head to bed, too.”

 

“Well, goodnight, Tali.”

 

“Goodnight, Shepard.”

 

**

 

Ava sniffled against the Commander's shoulder as he carried her into the med-bay. “She's running a fever,” he informed Dr. Chakwas, setting the girl down on the bed.

 

Karin had observed the Commander caring for his young daughter since he came aboard the Normandy. In addition to being a capable soldier and excellent commander, he was a devoted father, letting nothing prevent him from being their for young Ava whenever she needed him. In fact, just today, he'd sent Garrus, Tali, and Liara to the planet's surface without him to mine the minerals they'd scanned from orbit so that he could be here on the ship with Ava.

 

The doctor examined the girl and diagnosed her with strep throat, injecting her with a dose of antibiotics while the Commander held her tight in his arms. It was obvious that the girl's pitiful cries broke the man's heart, but he knew well enough that life was often unpleasant. Sometimes one just needed to do what must be done.

 

She sent them away with instructions to make sure Ava got plenty of fluids and the promise that she would come by his quarters later in the day to check on her. When she finally found the time to stop by, she received no answer to her knock on the Commander's door. She palmed the door and waited as the sections hissed open to reveal the commander and his young daughter curled up on the bed together, sound asleep. A child's book of fairytales lay open across Shepard's chest, and they were both covered with a pink, fuzzy blanket with pictures of unicorns all over it. It was, quite frankly, one of the most adorable sights she'd ever seen in her life, and she couldn't resist snapping a quick photo. She could use it for blackmail, or more likely, send him a framed copy for Christmas.

 

**

 

“What's that one?”

 

Joker explained the button-in-question's purpose to the little toe headed girl in his lap, and undaunted, Ava pointed at another and asked the same question. He was pretty sure they'd been playing this game for five hours or more, but in reality it had probably only been about ten minutes.

 

When Shepard would let her, Ava would come sit in the co-pilot's chair or his lap and talk Joker's head off – mostly about horses, which seemed to be the girl's favorite thing in the entire galaxy. Well, other than her father. That was another huge topic of discussion for the girl. Joker could admit to being a bit envious of the Commander. Not for having lost his wife, of course, but for having had the chance to start a family at all. For having a daughter like Ava. The girl was beautiful and kind and funny and smart, and the only thing she loved more than her dad and horses was outer space.

 

Every time she came up to the cockpit, they played a game of twenty questions. Sometimes fifty questions. Private Lowe was the girl's primary caretaker during the day when Shepard was on duty or out on a mission, but while the woman might be good – some might even call her a saint after hearing Ava Shepard's ardent, and loud, opinions about green foods – even she needed a break sometimes. In those moments, she would seek out some other poor, unsuspecting crewman to watch the girl if only for fifteen minutes so she could go to the bathroom alone and possibly have a cup of coffee.

 

Shepard, Tali, and Wrex were currently planet-side dealing with a geth incursion somewhere in the Armstrong Nebula. Joker couldn't remember the exact planet they were on, and didn't want to bother looking it up. His elbow was on the arm rest and his cheek was on his fist as he watched the girl inspecting the control panel. He'd made sure to keep it locked whenever Ava was around after that one time she'd almost nose dived them into Eletania. Shepard had nearly had a heart attack. So had Joker.

 

“Ava,” Private Lowe's voice came from behind them, “it's nap time, honey.”

 

The girl poked her lip out and looked at Joker as if he could save her from her fate. “Believe me, kid, I wish I could take a nap,” he told her.

 

“You could come take a nap with me!”

 

“I doubt your dad would approve,” the pilot said wryly. “Besides, I have to stay here in case he needs me.”

 

Ava reached up to pat his cheek. “You have scratchy hair on your face,” she informed him.

 

“It's called a beard.”

 

“Sometimes daddy has scratchy hair on his face. I don't like it. It makes my cheeks hurt when he kisses me.”

 

Joker huffed a tiny laugh and rubbed his beard, “Yeah, but beards look cool.”

 

The girl shrugged as if that were an acceptable answer, then leaned close to him and whispered, “I get milk at nap time, and sometimes cookies.”

 

“I'm still not coming to take a nap with you,” Joker whispered back. “Goodnight, Ava.”

 

She sighed and climbed down out of his lap carefully. Though she was too young to understand, she knew that there was something wrong with the pilot's legs. She'd even asked her father to give Joker piggy back rides whenever he needed to get somewhere – much to Shepard's amusement and Joker's humiliation. Thankfully Garrus hadn't been around to hear that particular comment.

 

He spun his chair around to watch Ava skipping toward the stairwell, little hand holding on to Private Lowe's, and every single crewman she passed greeted her, high-fived her or gave her a salute. She was the queen bee. She knew it. They all knew it, and no one knew it better than the Commander himself. While he made sure that the girl was well behaved and disciplined – what kind of marine would he be if he didn't – if it was in his power to provide her with something, he did it. Joker didn't know if it was just a lucky break for Shepard, or that he'd trained his daughter not to care about material possessions, regardless the thing the child craved more than anything was simple friendship. Turns out it was a good attitude for her to have since everyone aboard the Normandy wanted to be her friend. Half of the talk around the mess hall at each meal centered on young Ava Shepard and her antics.

 

The child spent time in engineering with Adams and Tali, both of them teaching her things that her young mind could easily grasp, letting her push buttons whenever appropriate. Dr. Chakwas let her sort through the crates of bandages they received in their regular supply shipments. It was an easy task that kept the girl busy and made her feel useful.

 

Joker had served on many ships throughout his career. There had been children on most of them. But there was something about Ava Shepard. She'd captured the heart of everyone on board the ship, including Wrex and Garrus. Everyone had heard about the krogan's now daily ritual of roughhousing with the girl. And more than one story had made its way up the the higher decks about the turian letting her 'help' him work on the Mako. In fact, Joker had witnessed Shepard carrying his grease-smudged daughter out of the elevator more than once on her way to be hosed off before dinner.

 

If the Commander minded all the attention Ava received, he never let on. In fact, Joker was pretty positive that Shepard appreciated it. It took some of the pressure off of him so that he could get his work done without worrying bout his child, and it was good for Ava to meet people from all walks of life. To learn not only her ABC's and 123's, but also real life skills and professions. Hell, she was already smarter than any three year old he'd ever met, probably smarter than most six year olds he'd met.

 

Ava stopped to speak to Pressly, making the man smile before continuing on toward the stairs. Before she got out of sight, she turned back toward Joker and gave him a little wave, which the pilot returned, then sighed.

 

Ava Shepard had turned the crew of the most advanced warship in the galaxy into a bunch of saps!

 

 


	5. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! Thanks everyone for reading. I know it's not the typical story seen in this fandom, but what's wrong with a little sweetness? I'm particularly thankful for those who took a moment to leave a kudos!

 

 

John looked at his daughter and smiled wistfully. It seemed like just yesterday she was a little girl, running around on the Normandy and capturing everyone's hearts. Before him now stood a grown woman, beautiful as her mother had been on their wedding day, some twenty three years ago. Smart, capable, and still capturing hearts everywhere she went. He'd not been terribly happy when he'd learned that she'd captured the heart of a young marine, brash and bold as John had been himself back in the day. But the only thing he'd ever wanted for Ava was for her to be happy, and looking at her now, in her mother's wedding gown, he could clearly see she was that.

 

“You look absolutely beautiful, sweetheart,” he told her, kissing her cheek and trying to keep the moisture out of his eyes.

 

Ava smiled at her father. Seventeen years had passed since he'd saved the galaxy from extinction. He was a hero in every sense of the word. Still honored for his effort and sacrifices on behalf of every sentient being that lived. To her, he was just dad, though. The lines around his eyes were deeper now, his hair more silver than black, his muscles less defined, and he sported the little pooch belly that most men in their fifties acquired. His blue eyes still shone brightly, however. Still looked at her with all the love he possessed.

 

That morning as she'd readied herself, she'd gazed at her favorite photo of her parents. The one from their wedding day, twenty three years before. She hoped and prayed that she could love her husband with the same depth and devotion that her father still carried for her mother. Though he'd had many offers over the years, he'd never remarried. Never even dated. Whenever Ava tried to coax him to make a life for himself, he always told her that he was perfectly happy to wait until he could be with Cara again on the other side. She was his one true love after all. No one else had ever even caught his eye. The funny thing was that she believed him.

 

He was happy with his life. After the war he'd spent ten years as the human councilor, helping rebuild Earth and the galaxy. When he'd retired, he'd finally bought them a horse farm on the North American continent, and Ava had gotten the horse she'd always wanted. John had his golden retriever, Legion, and his horses, and he contented himself with working hard from sun up till sun down, then curling up with a good book and Legion on his lap in the evenings. He visited each of his friends on their respective homeworlds once a year, and they all came to the farm for annual visits. Kaidan he probably saw more often than anyone else because they were only a three hour shuttle ride apart. The two old friends would meet every couple of months to share a steak and a beer or three and reminisce about what it was like to be soldiers and heroes once upon a time.

 

All his friends settled down and married, and he'd attended every wedding, the birth of every child – well, maybe not for Wrex and Grunt, but krogan had multiple births a year, it was pretty difficult to be there for every single one. He never forgot the way the crew had taken his daughter in, had loved her as their own, helping him not only rid the galaxy of the worst threat it had ever known, but also in the most important job he had – being a dad. Uncle John spoiled his friends kids as much as he'd spoiled Ava, and as long as it was in his power to give it, they all had whatever they wanted. He took ridiculous pleasure in teaching them all how to ride horses, something he himself hadn't known how to do until he and Ava were standing in the middle of a barn full of the creatures that they somehow now owned. But John Shepard was always a quick learner.

 

Ava knew she didn't need to worry about him, but she still did. It had just been the two of them, on their own, for so long. As if reading her thoughts, he smiled, and cupped her cheek. “Don't worry about me, peanut. I'm going to be just fine. It's time for you to go make a life of your own now.” He saw the tears welling in her eyes, and wagged a finger at her, “None of that now.”

 

“Yes, sir,” she said, giving him a salute, just like Ashley had taught her to do many moons ago. They both chuckled.

 

“I love you, baby,” he said. “And I'm happy for you.”

 

“Thank you, daddy! I love you, too.”

 

“Alright, soldier,” he said, puffing out his chest, and offering her his elbow. “Let's get this mission underway.”

 

The old crew were all there, some smiling, some crying, as the Savior of the Galaxy walked his daughter down the aisle, and those who knew him best knew that this was the achievement he was most proud of. This girl. Ava Lorraine Shepard. She'd come into his life like a whirlwind, and wrapped him around a tiny finger. And there he'd stayed through all the insanity that his life had brought him with the war and being brought back from the dead – twice. The one thing that had remained constant for Commander John Shepard was the love that he carried in his heart for his departed wife and only daughter.

 

Despite his warnings to Ava, a tear spilled down his cheek as he kissed his daughter and murmured, “I love you,” one more time while she still belonged to only him. Turning to his future son-in-law, he patted the man on the back and gave him his daughter's hand then took his seat on the front row. He thought of Cara on their wedding day so many years ago. How beautiful she'd looked. How happy they were. All the plans and dreams they'd had for the future. His sincerest wish for Ava and her new husband was that they would be spared the soul crushing heartache that he'd endured. Pushing the thoughts away, he focused on his daughter and dabbed at his eyes with his handkerchief.

 

The reception was in full swing. Shepard had danced with Ava, then with Liara, Miranda, Tali, and even Jack. He danced – though his technique had not improved with age – until his feet were sore. When he couldn't take it anymore, he slipped out to the balcony to be alone with his thoughts.

 

“What are you doing hiding out here, Shepard.”

 

John turned at the sound of Kaidan's voice and gave his old friend a smile. “Hey. Just needed some fresh air.”

 

“How you holding up, Commander?”

 

Shepard huffed a laugh. “I haven't been a Commander in seventeen years, Kaidan.”

 

“Still didn't answer my question.”

 

“I'm happy for her,” he said, gazing up at the starry sky. “Alec is a good man. He'll be good to her.”

 

“He'd better be,” Kaidan said. “He'll have a line of former marines and ex-Normandy crew lining up to take turns kicking his ass otherwise.”

 

“He's already been warned,” Shepard laughed. “Repeatedly.”

 

“You going to be okay at that big ol' farm by yourself?”

 

“Yeah, I'll be fine. I have Legion to look after me. Besides, it'll be nice to have the place to myself for a change. She's always harping on me to take better care of myself. Now I can eat doughnuts for breakfast in my skivvies, and she won't be there to yell at me.”

 

Kaidan barked a laugh. “You were never a good liar, John.”

 

Shepard grinned. “I was actually thinking about leasing the farm and doing some traveling,” he said. “Nothing tying me here. I kind of miss being out there.” He waved a hand toward the horizon.

 

“I do too, at times,” Kaidan confessed. “Where will you go?”

 

“Anywhere I want,” Shepard said wistfully. “I'll be around, though. Maybe I'll go stay on Rannoch awhile. Kal and Tali have invited me often enough over the years. Of course, Wrex will be pissed if I don't stay on Tuchanka for awhile, too.”

 

“Don't forget Garrus.”

 

“Yeah, so, maybe my travel plan isn't all that great.” Both men laughed. “Still, I feel restless now.”

 

“Maybe you just need a vacation. You could come up to Vancouver or to the orchard.”

 

“See, if I try this, you'll all just be fighting over me,” Shepard teased.

 

“Well, wherever you end up, just be sure to keep in touch.”

 

“Of course.”

 

Liara poked her head out to tell them that Ava was looking for him. Shepard rushed back inside to receive a goodbye hug from his daughter and to watch with misty eyes as she drove away with her new husband. Long after the party was over and his friends had gone home or back to their hotel rooms for the night, he sat on the balcony of the reception hall, sipping on a bottle of beer and staring up into the sky, reflecting on the life he'd led.

 

He had loved and lost – fought and won. He'd taken chances and made mistakes. He had raised an amazing daughter in spite of all his deficiencies. He had his health, good friends, time to do the things he wanted to do. All in all, it had been a good life – not that he was ready to depart it, necessarily, but he'd learned that it was beneficial to take stock every now and again. Count his blessings, as it were. And tonight, as he counted, he realized that he was a blessed man indeed. In fact, he was sure the number of his blessing rivaled that of the stars in the sky.

 

~~End~~

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
